Long live people-who-have-no-life!

I've never really been interested in message boards. Or forums. Or whatever it is they're called.

For the past one week, a movie had been bothering me. I'd seen the trailor and I wanted to watch the movie. But for the life of me, I couldn't remember what the title was, or who was starring in it, or who directed it etc. So, I did what I always do when I have movie problems. I decided to IMDB it.

The site apparently requires specific information. Ugh. There is just no appreciation for vagueness in this world anymore! Resignedly, I clicked on 'Help'. Then, in the FAQ section, I found my question!!!

Q: "I'm looking for a film but I can't remember the title... can you help me?"

Yay. Yay. Yay.

A: "We'd love to help everyone, but unfortunately our staff is unable to..." Whaaaaaaat? Why? Gaaaaaaaaa! "You can try posting your question in one of our online message boards..." Pffft. Yeah, right. Whatever!

But eventually, I gave in. Beggars can't be choosers. So, I registered myself onto the site and posted my question.

40 SECONDS WAS ALL IT TOOK. To get my first reply. And it was spot on. Seriously! I was shocked. Amazed. At a loss for words. And you know it's almost impossible for me to be at a loss for words. I got my second reply in the next 4 minutes. Again, spot on.

For all the times that I have scoffed at people who use message boards, I am sorry! I was an idiot, and I admit it. I did not realize the power of the Internet. And thank you, YourDream84.

As for the movie, I shall be renting it tomorrow. It's just a movie about lesbian love. Nothing you guys would be interested in.

F***! F***! F***!

Atta Yaqub is ORGASMICALLY GORGEOUS!!!

Who is he? A Glaswegian-Pakistani actor. I just watched his debut film and he is OH-SO AAH!

Why is it that all the hot men got pushed to the other side of the border, damn it????? WHY!!!!

I'm not putting up any pictures because they just don't do justice to how WOW he is.

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Oh, you know me SO well. Here he is. Drool, ladies. Drool.



What the heck. Here's more!!!


Ooh, I want you. I don't know if I need you. But, ooh, I'd die to find out.

You and your wife will be happy in your life together.

That's my Orkut fortune-for-the-day. Bloody sexist site. Isn't it so irritating when so-called co-ed sites are so stupid? Especially when they have all your information, including gender and sexual orientation etc. Or maybe they know something I don't know. Hmmm.

I'm in a bitchy mood tonight. Bitchy bitchy bitchy. It's been a-coming too. Man, it sounds good just to say it. BITCHY!!!

Today's Headlines.

Sometime earlier this week, a key came off my keyboard. Just like that. It bloody came off. I kept it aside and continued using my keyboard like all was well. A few days later, I realized that I didn't miss the missing key at all. So, I took a look at it.

An EXACT duplicate of the key already exists. So, basically that particular key is redundant and useless. Hey engineers! What's with THAT??? I paid for a crappy key that comes off from NEVER being used? Seriously. With all this moving forward with knowledge and technology, that move certainly took us a million steps backwards. And don't give me crap about "See, that key came off, and you still have the characters elsewhere to use it." I hardly ever use '/' and I can't remember the last time I used '|'. In fact, what the hell IS it??? It looks like it would probably be very handy on a Hindi keyboard! If you want to give me duplicate keys, I'd rather have another 'Enter' or even an extra '.'.

An hour after the key popped out, my cell phone fell down for the first time ever. I've never dropped it prior to this. And obviously, it cracked. I also noticed a small black piece lying next to it. It's one of the pieces that clicks into place while putting the cover back on. That piece is apparently useless too. The phone is still fixed perfectly, and the cover is in fact easier to put on and take off. There's even no rickety-ness or anything in the fitting. It's perfecto! So, again, engineers, why?

With regards to something they DID get right, I've got this new tiny mouse that I'm in love with, the size of Thumbelina! Check out the cool adjustable cord thingy. Now THAT I love. Wires are especially irritating, and this reduces the clutter. So, 10 points for that.

Moving on to Global News.

I'm sick of being called East Indian. I don't know why other Indians haven't taken offence to this yet, but seriously, we're the first Indians, damn it. I'm Indian. And someone from East India is also Indian. You North Americans can call your so-called Indians as Native Indians or any other prefix that you may prefer. But don't damn prefix me! It's gotten so bad that forms online that ask to fill out ethnicity, now state "East Indian" as one of the choices. I'm either Asian, South Asian or Indian. That's it. Bloody fucking Columbus. Just went around calling people Indian. Not only did the idiot not find India, but he went and discovered America, a country I could REALLY do without.

Coming up, some Corporate News, after the break.

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There are two types of corporations - those that rip you and those that let you rip them. FutureShop (Canadian version of Best Buy) I like because it's the latter kind. I bought an MP3 player solely for my trip to Illinois and returned it back today (30 days later) with no questions asked. Fido (my cell service provider), however, ripped me apart by plonking onto me a bill of $170 for my phone usage during my trip - just 10 freaking days!!!! Apparently, it's more expensive to receive a call while abroad than to make calls. Now, who would have thunk it?!? Bloody hell.

Now for some Reality TV News.

Yesterday was the Amazing Race finale. The hippies won the million dollars. Yay. I was rooting for them. They didn't play dirty AT ALL and they had a smile on their face throughout the race! Good for them. I felt bad for the frat boys, though. Maybe because one of them is terribly cute. But they were so painfully close, that I cried a few tears for them. For future reference, boys:

Oman (left), Thailand (right)

American Idol was down to choosing its final 2. As usual, the racist Americans voted out the amazingly talented Russian boy to choose the Barbie-doll-cute I'm-on-"American Idol: The Broadway Show" girl. I don't trust the American public to choose Taylor Hicks, the grey-haired uber-talented crazy-personality average-looking dude over afore mentioned pretty-face chick. But let's see. Go Soul Patrol!!!!!

What is wrong with The Apprentice? It's like every person who takes up being project manager and loses, gets the boot. That's so stupid! Even Hitler couldn't have managed some of those characters. I think Trump should watch the tapes and the drama that goes on behind the scenes to make more informed decisions. But then again, what is one badly hired apprentice going to cost him? A million bucks? 5 million? That was probably Ivonka's pocket money when she was 3.

We'll be back with some Sports News.

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The Americans piss me off yet again. Rugby is NOT football. Soccer is. So, when we talk about football, it should mean soccer. Let your American version be called something else, like rugby, for example. How often do you guys have your foot on the ball anyway? In soccer, the guys play the game mostly with their feet. So, isn't football a more appropriate name for that sport?

Plus, according to Columbia University Press, "the first recorded game probably was that on a Shrove Tuesday in Derby, England, part of a festival to celebrate a victory over a contingent of Roman troops (A.D. 217)." Do you see that, Americans? A.D. 217! Rugby came about only in 1823. So, how come all of a sudden, you guys decide that rugby gets to be called "football" and the real football must now be called soccer? You guys are either so fucking ignorant or so fucking arrogant. Either way, it's bloody pissing off. And most of the times, you guys are holding on to the ball for dear life. I suggest grabball or gropeball as a more appropriate name for your so-called macho game.

Last but not the least, some Animal Planety News.

I'm dog-sitting this week. Here's the little angel.

Isn't she CUTE??? This is great training for me because I've always wanted to have a dog, and now actually taking care of her will help me realize the responsibility that comes along with having one. So far, I've cleaned her puke and her poop. And I still love her. Looks like I may be ready for the Yorktese (below) I've been yearning for.

In Other News, I have an accounting exam tomorrow. Yet, it was of utmost importance to watch the series finale episode of Will and Grace. And Karen and Jack. Sigh. Also, Nestle sure knows how to make awefabulicious© ice-cream. I'm so in LOVE with their mint chocolate swirl. Not only are they not scrimpy with their chocolate chips, but those babies are huge. When it comes to sex and chocolate, I guess size DOES matter!

A little less conversation, a little more action please
All this aggravation ain't satisfactioning© me
....
Close your mouth and open up your heart
And baby satisfy me
Satisfy me baby!

Now here's a man who knew all about ending on good notes.

P.S. - How do you get rid of the damn French A in front of the copyright symbol, damn it???

Welcome to Chambana, where the skies are gray, and it keeps damn raining almost every day (to the tune of "Welcome to India")

Disclaimer: All characters and events portrayed in this post are non-fictional. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is purely intentional. This is not a work of fiction. It may be a work of exaggerated reality. But you will never know.


It all started with an innocent little chat Ajith and I were having about the weather. Somehow, he tricks me into planning a trip to Chambana, Illinois. How I get there is another blog post altogether, and will probably be the bitchiest rant yet. But right now, I'm feeling "flowery and rainbowy". So, using the great technology of "fast-forward in flashback", I'm going back in time to April 21st and then moving forward to 10 freaking 30 pm. (aana paana, aana paana, aana paana) Okay, I'm alright now.

I get off the Suburban Express, which it says so on the bus (no easy feat that, I tell you), right in front of Altgeld Hall. (That's a picture of the building during winter.) Altgeld Hall is the most confusing building ever (irrespective of weather conditions), and is aptly the Mathematics building at UIUC. There are actually half-floors in the building. Take a minute to imagine a half-floor in your head. Good. That's exactly how it is. The total number of floors in that building is a fraction!!! It is thus a scary-ass building to have classes in at night-time, for the chances of getting lost in there are [3.14159 times e to the power 19]! After 3 long years, it sure feels good to be back in Chambana.

Before I go further, I shall digress for a moment. For geographical purposes, there are two separate towns - Urbana and Champaign. (Yes, it's pronounced like the drink. Woohoo! Crack your puns. Have your moment. Okay. Moving on.) However, for the students of UIUC, it is just one big bloody flat town that they affectionately call Chambana. For the students who don't, they're obviously not part of the "cool crowd".

It takes another 15 minutes to locate Ajith, as he's clearly not getting ANYTHING right today. Anyway, saying that it was ABSOLUTELY WONDERFUL to finally meet him is an understatement. In all honesty, it was more like meeting someone I'd met online, as we hardly hung out together during freshman year. Oh, I forgot one tiny detail. The whole trip was meant to be a surprise. Nobody except Ajith was to know about it. Or at least, that's what the plan was. Yeah, so awkward first hug later, we're back on track again.

We drive to his apartment and as predicted, his roommate, Bharat a.k.a. BK is nowhere to be seen. I've been told I may never even get to meet him, so I've prepared myself. Luckily, I know what he looks like, so if he plans to make a guest appearance while I'm around and Ajith's not, I won't need to let out my all-powerful help-scream. It's been rumoured that Ajith once left for an entire weekend to New York, and BK was completely unaware of the fact even after Ajith was back! So, that's saying something.

The living room is extraordinarily neat for a guys' apartment. But then again, there is only a TV, a set of speakers to enhance their TV viewing, a table (which is neither tall enough nor short enough, in my opinion) and 2 couches (of which one will be spoken about, at great length, later) that adorns it. I don't know how much this arrangement helps their Yin and Yang, not that I'm an expert in Feng Shui, but it sure does help the boys play their cricket with the least amount of breakage. I think it's important to point out at this juncture that the TV is NOT theirs and I highly doubt the speakers are either. At least, I'm positive they haven't paid for it.

Here's a small story about the TV. The beautiful 27-inch Apex (a.k.a. generic Walmart brand as Ajith calls it) TV belongs to their ex-roommate. He attempted to sell it to them for $85. Ajith and BK found the very idea preposterous. So, they came to a compromise. They convinced the ex-roommate that not only will they be kind enough to keep it for him, they will also take the trouble to find a buyer. The ex-roommate is adamant that the TV not be sold for less than $85. "Perfect!" think Ajith and BK, who're probably dancing the evil jig in their respective heads. The result? The TV still sits in the exact same location, moving a couple of inches here and there, only when a tennis ball is hit at it with great force and fervor, during the oft-played in-house cricket games. Apoorva, if you ever happen to read this, you've been HAD, dude. Big time!

Attached to the living room is a kitchen. The less said about it, the better. Bah. Who am I kidding? The fridge in the kitchen is one of the 3 reasons BK will get off his ass (the other 2 being The Shopping Network and nature's calls), and Ajith cooks very yummy appams in spite of negligible resources. Very impressive, I must admit. More details later.

There is a small passageway that connects the living room to the bathroom and 3 bedrooms. Of course, there is a chair right at the mouth of the passageway, because it is more important to have a stump-double (in case of a life and death need to play cricket) than to be able to walk comfortably between the living room and the bedroom. But I guess some people get a kick out of contorting their body to weird angles. There also lies a sea of cables bang in the centre of the passageway. God forbid you need to use the bathroom urgently. That explains Tuppel's aaaaaaah + body-twist routine when he had to do so!!! (Tuppel is the sorta-3rd roommate who has his own place but still lives here most of the time. More details on him later.)

The bedroom kept for me was small and cosy. I really liked it. All I'd brought was a really small strolley, so I was going to live out of the box. (I travel such that I not only put girls to shame but also guys. Or garner myself a whole lot of sympathy.) I didn't need too much room, just a bed to sleep in. I was surprised to see that there was also a full table at my disposal. "Maybe I don't have to run off to Aabha's place after all." That was my first thought, Ajith, in case you care to know.

I took a look at the bathroom and immediately demanded a substitute mug. (No matter how many years I live in this part of the world, it will ALWAYS be water over paper.) The toilet seat issue I deal with at my own apartment. So, I'm hoping I was good about it. Somehow, Ajith got himself the largest room in the apartment. Smart move. Though I think BK could hardly care less. All in all, an apartment that didn't revolt me one bit. Off to a good start, I believe.

It was now time for THE PLAN.

To be continued...

Template changes

I've made a few changes to the template. So, everybody can stop whining now.

1. The font has been changed. It looks so un-cool now. But looks like people prefer legibility over style. Hmph.
2. The colour of the links has been darkened for the 70 yr old readers of my blog.
3. The blogger icon on the address bar is now a cool "V". At least there's something I can smile about!

So, yeah. I guess I do give thought to your suggestions. Do let me know if there are more.

Nohari results

So, this is what my Nohari window looks like.

Arena (known to self and others) insecure, lethargic, unhappy, cynical, foolish	Blind Spot (known only to others) incompetent, timid, simple, hostile, needy, brash, childish, chaotic, insensitive, self-satisfied, passive, smug, overdramatic, cold
Façade (known only to self) irresponsible	Unknown (known to nobody) intolerant, inflexible, cowardly, violent, aloof, glum, stupid, vulgar, withdrawn, selfish, unhelpful, unimaginative, inane, cruel, ignorant, irrational, distant, boastful, blasé, imperceptive, impatient, weak, embarrassed, loud, vacuous, panicky, unethical, rash, dispassionate, dull, predictable, callous, inattentive, unreliable, humourless

Dominant Traits

60% of people agree that Ms. V is insecure
60% of people agree that Ms. V is cynical

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The window rules - Basically, I choose 5-6 bad traits about myself. Then, my "friends" do the same. If the traits they pick are the ones I picked, they show up in the 'Arena'. The 'Facade' is a trait I picked that nobody else picked. The 'Blind Spot' is the fun part where I get to know what other nasty things people think about me!

I'm pretty pleased with the results because there's nothing about me that's hidden. Except my irresponsibility, and that's something you'll get to know if you're around me. That means I'm pretty much an open book!

So, 60% of people agree that I'm insecure and cynical. I would have agreed to that; however, out of the 5 people who had the balls to mess with me (or a lot of time on their hands), I only know 3 of them: Makki, Viks and Sparky!

As for the other 2, I truly do appreciate the time you took to fill out my window. But with a name like sexxx bomb, you can hardly expect me to take your comments seriously. What with me being such a stickler for correct spelling et al. And Suresh, I have no clue who you are, but considering what you think of me, I'm glad we got off to such a great start!

A trend I noticed is that my friends picked only 5 traits whereas the 2 strangers picked 6. It only goes to show that the more you get to know me, the more you'll find that I'm not all that bad. Or it could just be that I have really lazy friends. Or that strangers like to be meaner??

In all honestly, I had a BLAST with this one. I really wish more people had helped contribute to it. But then again, I'm still coming to terms with some of those traits pointed out in the 'Blind Spot'. So, maybe it's all for the best! ;)

Nohari window

We're usually strangers to each other in this blogosphere, right? That's why we're all so nice to each other.

But I think we've known each other long enough to be friends. So, go ahead. Tell me what you REALLY think!

Click here to contribute to my Nohari window.

Courtesy Gautam's blog.

Friends versus Coupling

Coming up next: How to have fun in a university town!

Not that I would ever make the mistake of comparing the two shows, but there are some idiots who do.

"Oh, you should watch 'Coupling'. Then, you'll realize how blah 'Friends' is."
"'Coupling' is so much bolder than Friends. 'Coupling' is for grown-ups. 'Friends' is for kids."

Bah, I say. Bah humbug.

Until two weeks ago, I didn't have anything to say to these fools because I'd never watched 'Coupling'. So it would have been unfair on my part to make a comment comparing the two. (I'm not like those who think Crash deserved the Oscar and those who think Brokeback Mountain should have won it instead, even when both groups of people have clearly not seen the other movie in question.)

But seriously, what exactly is so great about 'Coupling'? I watched it and found it okay. Not boring but not exactly interesting either. Most 'Coupling' fans argue that the show has no qualms about saying anything and everything out loud. But that's what my problem is.

I don't have any issues with the boldness per se, but honestly, which scenario do you think is funnier?

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Scene:-
Enter female with really huge breasts.

Coupling-
Oliver: Wow. She has really huge breasts!
Rest of Coupling cast: Yeah. Uhm-hmm. (etc. etc.)

Friends-
Joey: Wow. She has really huge.. oww!!! (Chandler elbows Joey in the ribs.)
Chandler: EYES! She has REALLY huge eyes!
Rest of Friends cast: Yeah right!!! (dripping with sarcasm, obviously.)

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Personally, I find the 'Friends' scene funnier. I think humour lies in things being innappropriate to say or do. If everyone is bold, and does and says whatever is on their mind, where the hell is any place in this world for double entendres??? Or for "Did I just say that aloud" moments???

Obviously, it is visually obvious to the viewers that the female has huge breasts. The fun is in being able to make something out of that moment, rather than someone stating the very very obvious.

What I'm trying to say is that those of you who want to be grown up, go ahead. Go watch your show, chuckle at appropriate moments and nod in agreement with your characters' dialogues. I'm going to be a kid and watch my show, snort juice out of my nose and fall off my seat laughing at Joey and Chandler's quasi-gay histrionics!!!

"Feel the rain on your skin"

So, I took a break. A 10-day long break. And I treated myself to a WHOLE LOT OF FUN. (Actually I could write this entire post in caps lock and it would hardly begin to capture the amount of fun I had.)

But I'm going back. For sure. A month. Maybe two. Maybe five. But I will be at UIUC again. (That stands for University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign, for the I-wasn't-good/rich-enough-to-be-looking-up-good-US-universities'-names. And that stands for United States (of America), for those of you who were born yesterday.)

Anyway, I'm really tired right now, so there'll be a post on this soon. Or 10 posts! I don't know. All I know is that no amount of money in the world can bring you the kind of joy that I experienced. (Well, I guess a couple of bucks did come in handy, what with all the yummy food we ate.)

Special thanks to Natasha Bedingfield. She changed my life forever!!!